I am not a fan of Christmas.

I mean I can get behind the winter festival to cheer up the gloom, that bit is fine. It is the faux joy and happiness I cannot get behind. It is so incongruous to how so many of us feel. Social events are wonderful and I am a social butterfly, but Christmas parties and celebrations are different. There is an expectation of forced joy and jubilation; it feels hollow. I see a lot of blogs and articles over the festive period about how Neurodivergent people can take care of their wellbeing during this upheaval. 

I do not intend to do this.

We as a Neurodivergent community do an awful lot of making people comfortable with our Neurodivergences. During the festive season people seem to forget Neurodivergent people have needs, all in the name of red and green jovialness. So for this blog I want to talk about what everyone can do as a community to support each other during the month of celebration. 

1. Include but don’t demand

Now as I have said I love a loud pub with oodles of people to talk to and get to know. Do I want to do this every night for multiple groups of people in multiple different settings for days on end - not really. This time of year there is a big push to see family and friends and do something. That something more often than not has to be festive. So my plea to everyone this year is give all Neurotypes five minutes off socialising when they need it. Especially parents of Neurodivergent children, check in with them how much they want to do - and I don’t just mean young children, if you’re planning a family Christmas allow adult children downtime as well.   

2. Traits don’t go away because Father Christmas is coming 

The difficulties people experience do not get better just because it is the festive season. I have seen too many people become angry at their long term depressed family and friends for not bucking up because it is Christmas. No one should feel forced to mask, and this is doubly true this time of year. Give people the good grace to just show up as authentically them, don’t force smiles or vivaciousness. Sometimes turning up is hard enough already without fear of being policed for the wrong level of Christmas spirit. Be understanding of people’s needs and work together to ensure that this season of good will to all men is just that.

3. Respect sensory issues

The person who hates certain textures is not going to eat the ick food just because it’s Christmas dinner. No amount of joy is going to make me want the big light on. Do not force people to ensure sensory hell. This works both ways by the way, if people need to stim for 11 months of the year, movement remains important in the festive month. Also as an aside (especially if my family is reading this) fidget toys make great stocking fillers (hint hint). By respecting both hyper and hypo sensory needs the festive season doesn't have to be a period of stress and burnout. 

4. Routine, routine, routine 

Christmas and basically the whole month of December is a topsy-turvy period. Most people I know, regardless of Neurotype, find the time between Christmas and New Year's a liminal space that feels slightly like a fae realm. For those of us who need routine this can throw us for a loop. This might not work for everyone but I find planning out my day/week in advance helps a lot. Even if it's a day doing nothing but watching movies I need my plan. Adding structure to the shifting sands of December is a key tool in keeping everyone regulated and comfortable.

5. There are no rules

 A wise person once said tradition is just being bullied by dead people. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do this Christmas. Want to have a quiet day where you all read and do parallel play? That's cool. Want to be loud and dance around the tree? That's cool too. Christmas doesn't have to be the Victorian ideal of Christmas. Talk to those who you are going to spend it with and make your Christmas just that - yours.

I am having a big family Christmas and my family is the epitome of Neurodiverse as a group. Will the next few weeks look like a Hallmark movie, not a hope. Will we have time together on our own terms, absolutely. This time of year can be glorious or hell on earth; by acknowledging our individual needs we can make it the former rather than the latter. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a lot of presents to make and some mulled wine to drink.